As I write this, I sob tears of sadness for my sweet baby who is now in heaven. Being 18 weeks along I can't help but be completely heartbroken for the loss that Dustin and I have just experienced. We just had our ultrasound yesterday to find out what we were having. It certainly did not end how we expected and we were so shocked to hear that our baby no longer had a heartbeat. The ultrasound technician was very quiet and said nothing during the ultrasound. We became very concerned at this point and were then ushered to the waiting room to talk to the doctor. As soon as we were finally called back the nurse directed us straight to the room without weighing me first and checking my blood pressure(the normal procedure for every monthly visit). I immediately knew then that something was really wrong. We got into the room and then were asked to wait for the doctor to come. As we were waiting I began sobbing knowing the worst might be our reality. Dr. Huish(he is such a kind, sweet doctor who I really love)finally came into our room, sat down and got straight to the point telling us that our baby was no longer alive. We were so sad to hear the true reality. The doctor talked to us further and gave words of comfort and knowledge. Dustin and I both cried tears of sadness together and held one another in our time of grief after just hearing the news. I am scheduled for a dnc(a surgical procedure where the baby is taken out) on Thurs. morning.
The hardest part at this point is having been so far along and having the visual of my pregnant belly everytime I look down. It is so heartbreaking having this lifeless precious baby inside me. So I think after the procedure, I will more easily be able to begin healing from the intense grief I feel for the loss of this sweet baby.
But among all the deep sadness there is much joy knowing this sweet child is in heaven. I feel strongly it was a boy(for many reasons and experiences I have had). We have named him Kai Echo Smart. Kai: meaning ocean. The ocean with its many tides that come and go. Just like our sweet baby boy who has come and now gone. But the ocean to us brings great peace and comfort just like we have felt all along through this trial. Echo for our sweet baby who will echo in eternity. His name brings so much comfort and he will be a part of our family forever. He is just looking down on us, instead of by our side physically. He just needed a body for a brief time and now is fulfilling his work in heaven as he will also be our angel throughout life.
I fully believe everything happens for a reason. Though I don't know the reasoning behind it all right now, it was in the Lords hands and I wasn't suppose to raise this child in the way I had thought. God is all knowing and I put my faith in his hands as I know he has a plan for everything.
Till we meet again Kai Echo Smart
We love you!
18 weeks
Song playing: "Tears in Heaven" dedicated to Kai.
30 comments:
We are so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you are able to find comfort in eternal families. We are praying for you guys.
The name you gave him brought tears to my eyes. So sweet. I love you lore and am always here for you. Like i said in my text...When one of my sister hurts, I hurt. I love you.
The Savior's arms are open to embrace you when you are ready. Hugs
Oh Lore..my heart aches for you. Along with myself and many others, losing a little one is so hard and I am praying for you and your little family. Lots of love.
Oh Lore..my heart aches for you. Along with myself and many others, losing a little one is so hard and I am praying for you and your little family. Lots of love.
Sending prayers your way, Lore!! Your positive outlook on life and strong faith is such an example to me. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.
Lore that is so sad for you and your family. It broke our hearts when we heard the news. I had a feeling you were going to have a baby boy too. What a beautiful name for the angel that watches over your family from heaven. Please know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Deepest sympathy from Germany, Brittany and Rainer
Lore, I'm so sorry to hear such sad news. Our family will be praying for yours to have peace and comfort during such a difficult time.
what a beautiful, beautiful name. i am so deeply sorry for your loss, lore. you are in my thoughts and prayers today.
My sweet Lore, I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could be there to cry with you and hug you. I have had three miscarriages, so I can relate to the heartache you are feeling. Even as the time passes you will still feel sad when you think about your sweet baby Kai but know it will get a little easier as time goes by. I know that he is your little angel in heaven watching over you and he can't wait to greet you with a warm embrace. I'm praying for your quick healing physically and that you and your family will feel the love of our heavenly father as you go through this time of grief. Sending big hugs your way with love!
Lore you are such an amazing and sweet person. What you wrote on this post is so beautiful, same with the song you picked and Kai's name.
I wish so badly that I could see you now, talk with you, hug you, and give you the best advice I could think of.
However, reading this I know that you have Dustin, Dallin and Macy by your side to give you the best kind of love, and you already know that Heavenly Father is aware of you.
I will always think of Kai Echo and your family when I see the ocean from now on.
I love you Lore
Oh Lore my heart goes out to you. I wish I could be there by you to give you a huge hug! Your sweet post about your sweet little Kai brought tears to my eyes. However through the grief and heartache you have still found a way to be positive and trust in your Heavenly Father. You are such an example to me. You and your little family are in my thoughts and prayers. I love you. xo
Lore I am so sorry. Just like everyone else I wish I could be there to give you a hug. I couldn't help but shed tears when I read this post. Your sons name is so perfect and beautiful and I know that he will be watching over your family. You have such amazing faith and a love for your Savior Lore that it is truely inspiring. Our prayers will be with you and your family. Best wishes.
Lore...I am so very sorry. Your testimony of the gospel shines through in what you wrote. Families are forever!
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious little baby. What sweet words you shared and what a touching account of his name. Sending our love...
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know the Savior feels your pain and will help you through.
Dustin and Lore,
Know that we will keep you in our prayers. Life's journey is mixed with the bitter and sweet. I know that while you are going through your Gethsemane, our Redeemer, who has suffered and felt exactly what you are right now, can succor you and heal your hearts.
We are so very sorry to hear that Kai is no longer with you here. But I, too, believe that he is back with our loving God who will take care of him until you can see him again.
All our love.
ITS OK TO DIE
Its OK to die and go beyond to that place of peace and rest
To be with those who have gone before who know that this is best.
It's hard to go and leave behind the one's we love the most..but our view is clear we can see ahead to the one who acts as host....So we take their arm and step right through the veil is oh so thin...the light,the glow, you will never know until this one you win...It's OK to die and go beyond for greater things to come....to rest,to think,to serve to love a welcome sight for some...It's OK to die please let me go I will always be there for you...Be glad for me that I am free I will forever love you too.
Uncle Don
February 26, 2011
When I visit the ocean (My most favorite place to be) I love to see and hear the power of the waves. It always brings me peace that God is in control and has a purpose for all things. Kai is God like it that he will bring peace to all of us. I will never again visit the ocean without thinking of Kai and his beautiful mother. Happy MOTHER'S DAY Lore from Kai and all of us who love you.May the ocean wash over you and Dustin and heal you.
I love you,
Uncle Don
Oh Lore- I am so sorry. :( I had a miscarriage when we lived in Ellensburg and it was the hardest trial I've had to overcome, but the knowledge of all that you have written helped me heal. You are amazing and have such a beautiful family and he is just as beautiful in heaven. I adore the name and think that it was inspired. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. {HUGS}
Love Nichole Gaertner
I'm so sorry Lore! Now I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out. You and Dustin are amazing people and my heart goes out to you.
Lore,
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
That sings the tune--without the words
And never stops at all.
-Emily Dickinson
Kai will be one of those things with "feathers"--that rests in your heart and will sing the hope of life beyond the veil. Remember that on the hard days, and rejoice in the knowledge of the plan of salvation on the good ones. I love you so much, words cannot express--I feel your sadness and loss along with many others and know the sweet peace of healing will come when the time is right. :)
Love,
Jeff, Nicole, Sydney & Ellie
Lore, Sterling and I have been thinking of you and Dustin a lot this past week.
I cried through every word you wrote. You are such a great and sweet example to all who know you.
We know that Heavenly Father is aware of you all and that Kai is watching over you and is so happy to have you as his earthly mother.
We love you so much!
-Kendra
I had to read your blog after seeing your facebook post. My heart was so sad for you and your little family. I had 2 miscarriages but was never as far along as you. They were tough, but this is so much harder. Dr. Huish is a sweetheart and I'm so glad he was gentle with you. You have such a wonderful attitude and understand eternity. I'm sure it eases the pain a little bit, but the ache will remain for a long time. You are an example to me and my prayers are with you. Hang in there sweetie!
I am sooooo sorry for you loss! I have gone through what you have and the pain doesn't fully end but through Christ he helps you get through it. Stay positive and know that you will get the chance to raise him in heaven. It has been promised.
Lore, I am so, so sorry for your loss. What a hard thing to bear! You are all in our prayers. Thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs.
Kami (Travis's wife, from PT school)
Lore, You don't know me. Kami Larsen shared your blog with me. A year ago this time I went through what you're experiencing now. I was 18 weeks along and went in to find out what we were having, Dr. Huish was my doctor, my husband's name is Dustin, and I have two children, a 4-year-old boy and a 2-year-old girl, and I also felt strongly it was a boy. When I read your story, my heart just ached for you. If you'd ever like to chat, I'd love to offer my support and any words of comfort I can. We all go through trials to strengthen and refine us, but we don't have to face them alone. I can tell you have a good support system, but believe me, it helps to talk to people who completely understand. If I could be one of those people for you at all, I'd be honored. Keep relying on the Lord and your beautiful little family. They will help you through this difficult time. I'll keep you in my prayers. I know there's another sweet little spirit who will be here soon that the Lord will bless you with. <3
Love you Lori. I've always thought you were an angel, and your post just confirms how close to the Lord you are. Thank you for your example. My prayers are with you.
Lore, your family is in my thoughts and prayers. My heart aches for your hurt. I'm so impressed with your strength and love how well written this post is. How beautiful it is, just like you.
Dustin and Lore,
The loss of a child leaves such a profound hole in your heart and emptiness in your soul you think you might never heal. Years of smiles, laughter and love ease the suffering and eventually almost completely fill the hole until one of your sisters/friends suffers the unimaginable loss of their precious child. All the hopes and dreams for the life you carried are gone in just a moment with a few well chosen words. The pain is nearly unbearable.
At the time of my loss, I couldn't even imagine what my Heavenly Father wanted me to learn from my experience. Years later I know. I won't share my lesson, because my lesson won't necessarily be yours, but please know there is one. It's all part of the refiner's fire.
May the Lord be close to you, watch over you and shine a little brighter in your life at this difficult time. Sending love and prayers from Ellensburg.
The Rhodes Family
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