Thoughts.

There have been a lot of thoughts and feelings running through my head lately. How grateful I am to be settled, how I LOVE being close to family again, how I miss my friends in AZ, how I want to kiss my washer and dryer everytime I use it(going without these two amazing machines for 2 months was quite the challenge), how I love our new humble little home. But above all, my thoughts are deeply focused on this special week.....a week that I would've gotten to meet our sweet Kai. Yet above the sadness, I feel him close to me at this time again. I haven't had feelings of loss or sadness until just two days ago. I was confused because I have felt so strong and emotionally stable for a good 3 months now. I happened to look at the calander and noticed that this week would've been the week for him to enter this world. I love those newborn hands, their smell, their feet, their tiny spirits. I would give anything to hold Kai this week but I turn to the heavens and know that I get to hold him in my heart for a lifetime and throughout eternity. I will think of him even in my old age and love him as any mother loves her child. I love this song....it makes me happy....because after all "eveybody needs to love" and "to be loved" I love you Kai!